The frequency of sexual abuse in our country is frightening. Its scars cover our potential for intimacy unlike any other influence in our life. Think back to this experience, as painful as it may be. Remember that professional help may be needed to explore the memories of this abuse, but as you will learn in Chapter Eight, specific help is available and you are not alone. Thousands of persons have been sexually abused and are able to establish loving bonds and fulfilling sex lives. Confrontation with the problem and seeking support from professionals and those who love you can do much to negate the damage. Sexual abuse does not have to be a permanent blemish on your love map.

“It’s a nightmare,” the wife reported. “I can’t really remember much of it. He would just touch me. Every night, my rather would touch me.” The wife continued in more detail to describe her experience. Her therapist was able to help her free herself from feelings of guilt, even responsibility for her own abuse.

“They all grabbed me,” reported the husband. “They pulled my pants down and took turns hitting my penis. I cried, and they said that until I stopped crying, they would not stop hitting. I couldn’t stop. The coach came in, and I told him I just fell. I never told anyone this.”

Men and women in the couples sample all reported some instance of sexual abuse. This becomes the dark part of our love map, a part that leads us away from love, leads us to seek out compensation or sanctuary from the threat of a corrupted intimacy.

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